Why do you raise awareness for SM?

"Why do you post so much about what selective mutism is, and what it is like to have it?"

Because at 5, when everyone else got told to draw a picture of what their dream job is, I just went with a 'library girl.' Everyone thought it's because my Grandad always took me to the library and I loved reading just like him. And although that is true, at 5 years old, I never had that 'dream job' - even being so young, I knew that a dream job was unrealistic.

Because at 7, school created a 'talking map' in the idea of if I spoke to a person, even once, then I would have overcame it. Because I got taken out of class everyday with another person in my class to 'make friends' to speak to them- even if it was just once.

Because at 11, other children in my class understood more than the teacher did. They understood that I didn't speak, but yet the teacher thought that I was 'half asleep' and 'wasn't paying attention.' Yet always blamed it on the fact that she was 'half deaf.'

Because at 13, people got excited when they heard me speak.

Because at 14, I was surrounded by family for nearly a full month, yet only 4 of them had only heard me speak, while we were saying goodbye to the 5th.

Because at 16, the register started to become unanswered, once again. Because at 16, I had to start thinking about a job. A future. A future that 5 year old me predicted, one with selective mutism.

At 5 years old, I hoped I was wrong, that someone would come along in the next 11 years and help me. 11 years later, a lot of people came along- CAMHs, social workers, speech and language therapists and the council. Yet somehow, every single one failed and I slipped through every gap there was. 11 years later, and a lot of awareness has been made, but yet 16 year old me and 5 year old me think the same. "How do I possibly have a future?"

Because my whole life has revolved around it, and so many other lives have and will be resolved around it too. Because change in CAMHs, speech and language therapy, the NHS, social services and the council needs to happen. Awareness for selective mutism needs to happen, so other childhoods and futures aren't lost too.